A somewhat clumsy Google English translation follows the German text.
http://spuren.ch/content/magazin/single-ansicht-nachrichten/datum////kann-man-liebe-lernen.html
Can you learn love?
Eva-Maria Zurhorst is the most widely read German author on the subject of partnership. Together with her husband Wolfram Zurhorst she writes about marital crises, love happiness, and why it does not matter who you marry. An encounter of relating art.
By: David Luczyn & Serena Rust
Can you learn love?
Eva-Maria Zurhorst is the most widely read German author on the subject of partnership.
Together with her husband Wolfram Zurhorst she writes about marital
crises, love happiness, and why it does not matter who you marry. An encounter of relating art.
By David Luczyn & Serena Rust
We meet Eva-Maria and tungsten Zurhorst at the Frankfurt Book Fair. First impression: open, of course, sympathetic. She is 43 years older, he, six years younger. We are interested in how far the two live by that which they wrote? And as a man comes to that for which the advance everything "Psychokram" was to engage in such a process? TRACKS: What or who were the main instigators on your way?
Eva-Maria Zurhorst: Chuck Spezzano was my entry, my mouth, and then the price came in miracles, then Eckhardt Tolle and Osho. Chuck Spezzano was so palpable for me. This was someone of flesh and blood, and he brought me two days against the odds to cry. And at the beginning I still thought, on what kind of event you're here. The acts so as a sect. All have fond, and I sat there and was full of resistance. Then he came in in his Hawaiian shirt, and 200 people were sitting in the stands, everywhere Kleenex boxes ...
TRACKS: You were once in Chuck Spezzano?
Wolfram Zurhorst: I was also with him, but not on the "easy" weekend seminar. I immediately picked out my two-week intensive seminar in Switzerland and went there with mad resistance. My concern was how I can open with an attendance of 250 people. And then before the people from whom I thought they were a lot further than I and already know what it is about. So if I's previously can not, if I with my wife not hinkriege's alone, how shall I then create it before 250 people to show me or make me feel? Today I am very happy that I made the 14-day intensive seminar, because I would have found at a weekend seminar ways to evade. So I was even "packed" on the second day. There was this exercise, the Joining, in which you can see each other's eyes and just allow what comes up. Because I was in the first moment, of course, much too close, I closed my eyes and tried to avoid and look away. Then came one of the assistants of Chuck Spezzano and put his hand on my shoulder. At that moment, I could feel a contact who has divorced me something. I began to howl, and the moment went with me back the resistance. Crying was something new and strange to me.
TRACKS: Was your wife too?
Wolfram Zurhorst: Yes, at this seminar we were together. That was three years after it was restarted at Chuck Spezzano there.
Eva-Maria Zurhorst: I have from this first time trying to proselytize at home with my whole idea of forgiveness kruscheligen and the whole "Psychokram" as my husband always called it back then. But I am fallen on deaf ears. It seemed only further suspect. But for me a whole new world has opened. One can see life quite differently. There is love, forgiveness. Today, in retrospect, I can say it was like a heart opening, which took place there. I cried the tears of the last thirty years in three days and came home and knew there is something else. I did not intellectually but somewhere in me that the other has something to do with me in my heart. That was a point where I realized there is no running away and no other man, there must be something happened inside me. But that was still a diffuse feeling. I had experienced something and could not hold the right in words, and for him that was just my Psychokram.
TRACKS: And after three years, it has therefore then ignited even with him?
Eva-Maria Zurhorst: Yes, but I was the first person who could not. I felt lonely and empty and thought, this can not be life. But no one could tell me why I did not find this marriage fulfilling. My husband was busy with career make, and I had a small child, and somehow I ought to have me settle. But something was missing. And so began the inner search, and when I got then opens the avenue on the "Psychology of Vision" (Chuck Spezzano), I have tried to dedicate my husband; so these classics when the women then say: Lies doch mal this, read some games that do it once a seminar ... Listen to me once, let's talk it out, how is it with your feelings ...?
Wolfram Zurhorst: ... which was not really successful.
TRACKS: How have you done it then, that he has nevertheless agreed to it and then even for two weeks?
Eva-Maria Zurhorst: collapse. It was just so that nothing went. It was not really an insight. I remember the first time we have so yelled at us that I said: So either you're coming with or otherwise that's it, I can do nothing more here.!
TRACKS: So was a certain pressure behind it?
Eva-Maria Zurhorst: Exactly.
Wolfram Zurhorst: although the actual point where the whole thing began to roll, was for me this birthday, to which it has cracked really between us and everything came out; and it was clear to me, so it can not go on. If I go on like this, my wife is gone. And that was a moment when for the first time I had a feeling of emptiness, but at the same time could also feel something has connected me with my wife, I could not name, which simply has to let me be there, what to me in the course has said the coming months more and more clearly: The Use may not have been!
Eva-Maria Zurhorst: But it was the final point. Not that I have continued texted: here there are promises and solutions, but that I said: So that's enough! It had created a clear need for action. Flowing today into our work. Because there are women who know a lot, feel a lot, discover a lot, seen a lot - but at certain points it just needs very clear boundaries, otherwise it's over and Feierabend.
Wolfram Zurhorst: That was on my side of the trigger: I do not want too. I can no longer be married to you! But thinking about it, I did not dare until then. I ran away, I've dealt with the career and found the important and good, but our confrontation'm running away.
