German artist and writer Angelika Wende blogs about her thoughts and studies of the human psyche. Her entry for Aug. 11, 2017 uses Chuck Spezzano's book If It Hurts It Isn't Love as a springboard for a thought-provoking essay. I'm just including the first paragraph but the entire post is worth reading:
https://angelikawende.blogspot.com/2017/08/aus-der-praxis-wenn-es-verletzt-ist-es.html?m=1